Okay. This is not an emo rant or another complaint on something or a whatever. I am trying to not writ that much too.

Sometimes I wonder why I am so...sentimental or emotional? is that the right word because I never used it before other than sentimental rock. haha.

I am going emo and crying everytime I think back to what i did and what i will do. Like, sometimes I wonder why my room is so messy and why I never cleaned it up, or is it my fault that my room gets messy again after i tried cleaning up. Maybe life will be better if my life is cleaner. and stuff... I know you don't get me. And then suddenly this feeling that everyone and everything i know will die or vanish or break one day. And then I start crying.

yeah...like. One day, when I am older, I will probably be 40 years old and my mom will be an old grandma and someday, anyday, she'll just be gone forever and I'll never be able to talk to her anymore. And all my beloved mangas and my little blanket that I had since i was born will be destroyed and no one will care. And this makes me wanna stay close to my parents until I can't see them anymore. And about the blankets, I sometimes stow them away carefully, thinking that I have to keep it in a good condition as long as possible, but should I be thinking that way? Like, instead of stowing it away and keeping it in perfect condition, should I be taking it out and spending more time with it until I can't anymore?

And I have no idea why this idea relate to this, but some of my friends I met before will never appear infront of me again. Like... Taisei, he doesn't have an email or anything that I can get in contact with him, but now all I am thinking is hope he goes to HPA next year. And if he doesn't, all I'm left with is a little coral he gave me at the beach. and its junk but I'll never throw it away and my life will be filled with junks from all my other friends and i'm not going to throw it away.

I just don't get it, is it only me or everyone else have these weird moments? I realized that I am always thinking about the future and the past that It makes present emo... and this started since I was 3 years old, I cried every nap time for thinking that my parents and my friends will disappear and life is just sucky that I want to end it right before I see everyone disappear.

These feelings are my weakness...I dunno why but thinking of this, it makes me as emo as ever and I am crying (right now). I know that in anime, they keep on saying something like: Because life is limited, that's why they live to the fullest and the happiest and stuff like that. But for me, it won't work, because my life is basically the same with everyone else. And when your life is only at the age of 13, you think that there are so much left that you also think, I can do these anytime later, and later, you regret you didn't do it when you were young.

Okay. This is becoming a rant. I'll leave more for next time.

p.s. i bought d.gray-man 11 right after it came out of the box XD it was still warm haha.

btw, sorry ppl, i gotta stop some of the deviations coming to me from the ppl i watch, sorry. I'll return it back to normal after i get on often again.

TAS ppl (or ex) and friends in real life: